Thursday, December 31, 2009

Step Up Your Dateability - Discover, Connect, Attach

One of the biggest fears of entering the dating world again is making another mistake. How does a person minimize the risk? Or is it all a gamble where you're reliant on your relationship with Lady Luck? The truth is that there is a science to developing a healthy dating relationship. The first step to understanding the science is to know the type of person you are and how you relate to others.

Sorting it out

Scientists have worked hard to understand the complex dynamics that make all of us part of the uniquely human equation. While it does serve some purpose to take tests and name types, it's always important to remember that each human being is unique and will never fit entirely into any one category. With that in mind, take a few minutes to answer the questionnaire below to determine which general attachment style you may fit into.

Which attachment style best describes you:

1. Do you find it: a) easy to become close to others b) common that others seem reluctant to become close to you c) hard to trust people and you don't want to take the chance of getting hurt
2. When it comes to depending on someone: a) You want someone you can totally depend on and who will take care of you b) You believe that if you want something done right you've go to do it yourself c) You feel comfortable depending on others and want them to depend on you as well
3. When you are alone: a) You don't feel the pressure of having to satisfy someone else's expectations b) You don't feel right when you're not in a relationship. You want to be with your love interest all the time c) You're comfortable when your alone-times come along and you don't rely on someone else to fill any voids for you.
4. Are you: a) Independent but also enjoy intimacy b) Worried that your partner doesn't love you as much as you love him/her c) Inclined to feel nervous and anxious if someone gets too close to you
5. Concerning trust: a) You are the only person you really trust b) You generally trust someone unless they give you reason not to c) You worry that those who you are in relationship with won't be there when you need them
6. Are your relationships here to stay: a) You believe love is a forever thing b) Relationships come and go c) You're always afraid those in relationship with you will eventually drop you
7. Would you say you have close relationships: a) Not as close as you'd like b) Yes, you cultivate close relationships c) So-called close relationships are overrated in your opinion.

If you answered 1-a, 2-c, 3-c, 4-a, 5-b, 6-a, 7-b, you likely enjoy a secure attachment style.

If you answered 1-b, 2-a, 3-b, 4-b, 5-c, 6-c, 7-a, you are likely the anxious-ambivalent style

If you answered 1-c, 2-b, 3-a, 4-c, 5-a, 6-b, 7-c, you are probably avoidant in your relationships.

What does it all mean?

The secure attachment style. This "way of being" is probably the category most of us would like to fall into. The people who tend to be secure feel that their relationship partners are available, responsive, and compatible. Here is an example of what a secure attachment style-type would say if asked to articulate his or her feelings:

* "I find it easy to become close to others. I have friends I care about and who care about me. I feel comfortable depending on others, and I want them to depend on me as well. Conversely, I am happy when I am alone. I like my own company. I don't need others to make me feel worthwhile. I don't worry about whether or not others accept me, but I don't avoid people. I like people. I am independent, but I also enjoy intimacy."
These feelings are not at opposites with each other. Rather, they blend into a happy, healthy psyche. Generally, people who can honestly say they fit into the secure attachment style were raised by caregivers who loved them and showed it. They gave and received warmth and affection. This equated to positive feelings about people and relationships as they matured. Quite often those with strong secure-attachment styles enjoy satisfying, long-term relationships, with a healthy balance between intimacy and independence. While relationships may be easier for secure attachment styles, those who did not have the benefit of a nurturing childhood can work to modify or change the issues about themselves that stand in their way achieve secure-style.

The anxious-ambivalent attachment style. As implied by the description, people who discover themselves in this category often feel anxious about their relationships. They have doubts about whether the people they love feel the same way they do. They fear that their partners will not be there when needed. Sometimes, those with anxious-ambivalent styles of relating to others experience intensely powerful reactions to separation. If asked, someone with an anxious-ambivalent style might say:

* "Other people seem reluctant to get as close to me as I want and need. I worry that my partner doesn't love me as much as I love him/her. I worry that he/she will leave me. My dream is to have a relationship that is so close we are like one-merged completely, body and soul. It breaks my heart that this desire seems to scare people and make them avoid me. All I want is to be intimate. I don't feel right when I am not in a relationship. Something is lacking. Then when I am in a relationship, I often feel that my partner doesn't value what I offer. I need approval. I crave total response. I want to be dependent upon someone and to feel like he/she will take care of me."

Often, those with an anxious-ambivalent attachment style don't have high self-esteem. They may have been neglected or abandoned either physically or emotionally when they were young. They tend to blame themselves for everything that goes wrong in a relationship, especially a lack of affection or responsiveness. These feelings bleed into a lack of trust of their partners. Often they will believe that their partners have secret agendas, or that their intentions are bad. Those people who would place themselves into the anxious-ambivalent attachment style tend to worry a lot and act impulsively. When it comes to their personal relationships, they sometimes blame themselves for "choosing the wrong person."

Lastly, there is the avoidant style of attachment. The people who would label themselves as this have usually been hurt. Pain and rejection cause them to back away from relationships, and they often reject those who try to get too close. A person who has been hurt in the past often becomes defensive, in an attempt to avoid being hurt in the future. Many in this category are convinced that they can never really experience love, and many others decide they are unwilling to go through the pain to get it. Some scientists have broken down the avoidant style into two subcategories, the "fearful-avoidant" and the "dismissive-avoidant." The fearful-avoidant person might say:

* "It's hard to trust people. I know I'll be hurt if I allow myself to depend on anyone. I feel nervous and anxious if someone gets too close to me. Partners often complain that I am never intimate, and they want me to open up. That is so hard for me to do, even though I want to be close to people, and I long to have an intimate relationship."

In many cases, these people have poor self-esteem. They see themselves as unworthy, and they tend to suppress or hide their feelings. The dismissive-avoidant is similar to the fearful-avoidant, but they might be categorized as having successfully eliminated their need for intimacy. This person might get caught saying:

* "I don't want a close relationship. I depend upon myself. I am the only person I can trust. If you want something done right, do it yourself. I am independent, and I won't allow myself to get caught up in relying on anyone else, down that road lies disaster. I am completely self-sufficient."
Sometimes these styles might seem happy, and maybe they are on certain levels. They might break up with someone who tries too hard to get close. They might enter into shallow physical relationships. These people tend to hide or suppress their feelings, sometimes so successfully that they truly don't know they are experiencing them.

The truth is, humans are wired to need intimacy, and therefore the dismissive-avoidant is fooling himself/ herself when claiming complete happiness and satisfaction while actively avoiding intimate relationships. And as said above, many of these types believe it's impossible to have close connections with others. They may choose not to go through the pain of developing connections.

A few things to consider

Now that we've taken a peek into how and why we may choose certain relationships, it's time to reflect on what we've learned. Maybe you had qualities that fit into one category, and perhaps you had some of each. The trick is to mull over what you've learned about yourself and just "be" with it for a while. Eventually you can use this information as a tool to not only work on things you'd like to change, but to examine the thought processes of those you are in relationship with or those you are in the process of developing an association with. There's much more to learn about relationship attachments and connections, and I'll cover additional information on this website. So, stay tuned!

How to Flirt - It's Easier Than You Think

Do you find it hard to flirt with someone you like? Does even the thought of flirting with someone make you uncomfortable? Did you ever try to flirt with someone and then got flustered and embarrassed? If you said, "Yes," don't worry, you're not alone. But flirting is much simpler and can be more natural than you ever thought. But like anything else, you have to learn how. And the more you do it, the easier it will become.

Eve probably flirted with Adam because flirting has been around ever since there were men and women. It's a powerful attraction tool that you can easily master. It all comes down to five simple steps.

Make Eye Contact

You don't want to stare at the guy and freak him out, but connect with your eyes - just for a second or two - and look away. Repeat often until he feels compelled to come closer.


Smiling increases your face value and makes you seem friendly and approachable. We're not talking about a big goofy grin. Just give a soft smile that lifts the corners of your mouth. When you combine a smile with eye contact, watch out!

Compliment Him

Be sincere. If he looks good in a certain color or outfit, tell him. If there's a particular part of his body that you love, let him know. "You have the most gorgeous lashes I've ever seen. They're so sensuous." Avoid anything that seems phony or is something he obviously perceives as a flaw. For instance, if he's carrying a little extra weight around his middle, don't tell him what a great body he has...unless you're especially attracted to pot bellies. In that case, by all means share that with him. He'll fall in love with you instantly.

A Gentle Touch

If you want to feel the sparks fly, find a way to have him feel your skin against his skin. You can lightly touch his hand when you're talking. You can gently brush away a stray hair from his face. Wipe a crumb off of his chin. Briefly put your hand on his knee. These tiny actions will speak volumes.


If you're in a noisy, crowded room, don't try to shout over the din. It will distort your face and you'll likely sound shrill. On the other hand, if you want to make him crazy, whisper something in his ear. It doesn't have to be anything particularly sexy, although if you want to really raise the stakes you can, but the sheer feeling of your warm breath on his ear should pretty much make him crazy.

As with everything else, practice makes perfect and practicing how to flirt is the most fun and rewarding homework you'll ever get.

Imagine what if you could make any man adore you, chase you, love you, and commit to you? Click Unforgettable Woman Advice and learn 77 Secrets that 99% of women have never heard. You have got to see this!

This article is contributed by Tina Jones from the Unforgettable Woman Publishing Team. She works together with founder Alexandra Fox and writes dating/relationship articles for women. You can find more about Unforgettable Woman Publishing by visiting their website.

Does she like you too?

It is one of the most dreaded moments in a person's life. No one can get over rejection quickly, it is best to just brush it off and move on. But how did you get here in the first place? Where did you get your signals crossed? How can you prevent this from happening again?

All too many times a guy jumps the gun and asks a girl out and gets shot down embarrassingly. Worse than this is the guy that will not asks any girl out even if she is hitting on him so hard he has bruises. So what is the happy medium you ask? Think! Yes Think and Watch. If you have a girl being friendly to you watch how she acts around other guys. If she acts the same to these dudes chances are she is just an overly friendly girl. If she acts much more friendly to you then maybe, just maybe she likes you. If a girl likes you, she will let you know. Girls are used to guys getting the wrong signals so they will make sure to let you know that they are interested.

My favourite display of idiocy was when I was out at a restaurant with a friend of mine. The waitress passed us and he leaned over to me and said, "She likes me." After asking why I figured out that my so innocently, naive friend,(let us call him Naive Steve), didn't realize that the waitress was being friendly to him to get a good tip. And trust me she was, I know him. If he had watched her with other male customers he would have realized this.

Online Dating saves us this embarrassment. If you message a girl and she doesn't answer you back move on to the next. No embarrassment, no big deal.

Attract a Great Looking Girl - The Key is to Make a Great First Impression.

You want to learn how to attract a great looking girl. There are many ways to go about accomplishing this. However one of the most important is not all that difficult if you keep in mind what you need to do. Here is my suggestion...

Make a Great First Impression
The best thing you can do for yourself in terms of attracting that pretty girl you fancy is to make a terrific first impression. I can't underestimate the importance of this. However don't get overly concerned because it is actually not as stressful and difficult as you might think. You just need to focus on three key factors.

Be Friendly
It may be a bit out of your comfort zone but you are not going to make any kind of impression if you act shy and withdrawn. This is your opportunity to shine. Be positive and friendly and keep the conversation moving and fun. Just try to focus on having a good time and enjoying yourself. If you are positive and outgoing, she will respond accordingly.

Watch Your Body Language
What you don't say through your body language can be as important (if not more important) than what you do say. You may be nervous but avoid fidgeting. Walk tall and maintain an open posture. Keep your hands at your side (never cross them) and make sure you demonstrate a friendly, confident, and welcoming posture. Pay attention to your posture so you can better command her attention. If you droop or stoop, it shows lack of confidence and discomfort. Stand up straight!

Inject humor
Women like men who can be funny. They don't want clowns but rather someone who has a good sense of humor and can make them laugh. If you have a quick wit and can respond to the situation around you then you are way ahead of the game and well on your way towards making a terrific impression.

If you want to meet and attract beautiful women, you must check out these little known tactics and techniques developed by a woman who knows what women want. It doesn't matter if you are bald, fat, or even unattractive so I encourage you to Click Here to learn more.

How to Tease a Woman and Excite Her (Sexually)

In case you didn't know, the greatest way to build rapport with a girl and get her to fall in love with you would be to become an expert in sexual teasing. Find out guaranteed secrets today that can improve your sexual attraction in the eyes of the opposite sex and use these secrets on any girl you wish - even if she seems completely out of your league.

How To Become An Expert In Sexually Teasing A Girl And Make Her Long For You Instantly

Do you understand how girls work? If you don't, there's no wonder you are having difficulties in the girl department. This may sound confusing to you but a lot of girls today will pretend like they hate sexual teasing when the truth is they actually don't. Every girl out there enjoys getting sexually teased by guys because it is built into their psychology. Regardless of their age, they enjoy being sexually teased, thanks to psychology.

One highly effective way to sexually tease a girl would be by sending her mixed signals. Try taking a girl out on a date and then let her know you would rather just be friends. By saying this, she will wonder why you asked her out in the first place and whether she could have done anything wrong during the date to make you change your mind.

After telling her this, though, still treat her like a girlfriend. You can do this by playing with her hair every now and then and touching her hands whenever the situation permits it. Methods like this will really get to her head and take you far in the dating world.

Remember that the key to dating success is to "take two steps forward, and one step back". When you are spoiling her, remember NOT to overdo it - otherwise, she will take you for granted. So, remember to constantly keep her on her toes by making her to second-guess your intentions. When a woman thinks that she has got you all figured out, then it is game over for you, buddy.

Now here comes an advanced method...

If you need that "industrial strength" tactic that would supercharge your seduction powers, one tactic that you could also put to use would be fractionation. Known in more advanced circles of underground seduction as a deadly method, it can make a girl fall in love with you in less than 15 minutes.

The fractionation formula is very controversial, though, since some guys get unfair advantages over other guys when they make use of its formula - regardless of the amount of money he has, the car that he drives, and what sports he plays professionally. Learn it, master it, and thank me later.

However, please be fractionation ( ) could be the most explosive piece of seduction technology ever invented.

This technique is simple to use but it gives "seduction superpowers" to the regular guy to attract the woman of his dreams. If you want to seduce women in as quickly as 15 minutes, then download the Fractionation Formula for free.

How to Steal Someone's Girlfriend - In 3 Simple Steps

Did you ever like a girl and then find out a bit later that she actually already had a boyfriend? Were you surprised when you found out this fact? Did she seem interested in you before you found out about the other guy?

After she told you about her boyfriend, how did you feel? Did everything just spiral downhill from there? Were you disappointed? Were you angry? Did you tell yourself that she was off-limits for good because of this boyfriend of hers?

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold up there! Think about all of the great girls you know. Most of them probably already have boyfriends - am I right? So why should you stop yourself from hitting on somebody just because she has a love interest for now? Read on to find out essential steps to stealing away girlfriends from undeserving guys today.

Learn How To Steal Away Girlfriends From Undeserving Guys Today - Highly Essential Steps You Need To Know

Step One: Do not think about her existing relationship with her boyfriend. To be frank, the fact that a girl has a boyfriend should not be important when it comes to the world of seduction. The only thing that should matter is the girl. The boyfriend is just an inconvenience, so quit thinking about him.

The thing is that the less you worry about the boyfriend, the better it would be - simply because if you ignore his presence, then it will be less of an issue. On the other hand, if you keep propping up the question, then she will often feel guilty about considering leaving her boyfriend for you.

Step Two: Think about why she revealed the existence of this boyfriend. Some girls use the excuse of having a boyfriend as a kind of defense mechanism against guys they aren't interested in. Be honest with yourself: was she trying to say 'no, thank you, move on' or did she really seem interested in you?

Step Three: Use covert tactics. Now that these seduction basics have been revealed to you, you should find out a more advanced step in stealing away girls from their undeserving boyfriends: hypnosis. Learn some tricks of hypnosis, such as fractionation, in order to truly reach your goals.

Fractionation, which is available in a two-step seduction formula, can be used to make a woman feel emotionally connected with you - no matter if she already has a boyfriend or not. If you have seen a drop-dead gorgeous woman leaving her Brad Pitt lookalike boyfriend for a regular guy, then chances are that the fractionation formula is used. Killer stuff indeed!

Tips on How to Discover the Perfect Mate

I wonder the number of people's best mate is at this time under his or her very noses, hidden by the word "friend"? You consider, the fact that special man change to every time a number of "hunky dreamboat" or a different has damaged your heart, (again) and so left you a whimpering, downtrodden mess. Therefore, we get all trapped up inside image of so what our wish mate seems similar to after that we neglect the really vital part: so what our dream mate allows us think akin to. If the good lucking man allows you appear negative, is he surely a dream?

Growing up, we all had our teen idols that we had our primarily crushes lust times above, nevertheless expanding up represents having the fact that possibly so what is on the out doesn't hold a candle to what is on the inside. Unfortunately, for some of us, the fact that lesson is a stressful learned a person, along with so we are bound to get our foolish hearts destroyed a time or two while searching for Mr. Hot-stuff so that we can switch him into our dream mate. Got a little strategy for you girls: it is not going to come to pass. Searching for a mate by looks only is not planning to find you nothing at all however a good seeking creep. Today, there are those that receive the guys that are not just handsome, however charming, fantastic after that sweet too. Is the fact that you? Fortunate part, I dislike your guts!

You really have to consider what it is that you want beyond life earlier than you understand who your dream mate might even be. You have to see your goals, your temperament after that for a lot of of all, you have to realize yourself ahead of you throw another person into the mix. If you see the fact that you want to be a arena traveler for instance, you better not tie your wish wagon to a guy which gets automobile unwell backing out of the driveway. Either the guy has to switch or the wish, so you have decide what you will along with will not give in on. All people has one or two must haves along with can't stands, recognize what yours are earlier than you even start looking.

For me, a sense of humor is just as important as having air to breath. I need to laugh, preferably each day. I could not live having a seriously uptight, no nonsense kind of man that thought laughing was frivolous. Right there I have ruled out a person whole category of men. It used to be that I was sure it would be a huge, tall, Russian hockey player which won my heart, (OK, so I really did fine tune my fantasy man, sue me. ) nevertheless my thoughts on that have altered significantly. For a person factor, there are not a whole lot of hockey players, Russian or otherwise, in my popular area. I could either a) move or b) change the wish. As luck would have it, the wish transformed itself for me once I met a fellow hockey lover who is not a tall, Russian hockey player. He is a home owners insurance agent for Pete sake! I would not take ten hockey players for him at the moment; my wish mate has totally changed.

Be flexible. Ease up on yourself. See the fact that i found an enormous dissimilarity amid fantasy and a wish mate. A fantasy is the a person that will never come to pass, and you can improve it daily. The wish mate? Well, that an individual is changeable too, until you fulfill one that very is your wish mate. I wish you find him quickly.

Wednesday, December 30, 2009